A Woman Scorned
by KM2000
Summary: No matter what, she will always be a woman scorned, and she will always love him, in her own way. Lyell/Titania


Disclaimer: The Charlie Bone Series belongs to Jenny Nimmo.

A Woman Scorned

She hates him.

She hates him so much.

She hates him for making her care for him, and then leaving her in the dust. She hates him for never truly knowing how much she cared for him. She hates him for running off with that woman, that silly ordinary woman who would never be able to give him what she could give him. She hates him for being him, an amazing, beautiful, handsome, talented person who never fails to make her heart beat faster when she's in his presence. She hates him for leaving her by herself and making her wonder exactly what was wrong with her.

She hates him for making her heart turn cold, cold as stone, for making her want him to suffer for what he's done to her, because a part of her can't bear to see him hurt, cringes at the thought of it. She hates him for what she has become, a cold-hearted woman bent on revenge at any cost. It's all his fault. If he had only accepted her for who she was, instead of abandoning her, then she would never have become this monster, this ugly witch who hides in the basement of Bloor's Academy.

It's all his fault.

And she hates him for it.

oOoOo

She loves him.

Still, even after all these years, even after what he's done to her. It's like a plague she can't get rid of. Her heart still swells whenever she sees him in the streets of the city, talking with his dull, ordinary wife, or in the cathedral playing the organ. She still finds herself humming when she hears the music, so passionate and melodious, the very music which enchanted her years ago when they first met. She tells herself that she's over him, that he's nothing to her now, but she knows that's not true.

He'll always mean something to her, deep in her heart.

oOoOo

She envies him.

When she sees his loving wife and child, sees the adoration they have for each other, the connection. The joy. It makes her sick with envy, knowing that she'll never have that. Yes, she marries that fool of a man, Tilpin, but he's half the man Lyell ever was and he deserts her after a scant few years, claiming that their child, the only bright spot in her life, is horrific and a danger to him. It's utter rubbish, of course. Josh is a good boy, despite his strange endowment of magnetism that keeps him covered with bits of metal, rubbish and fluff. He would never hurt anyone, not on purpose. She starts to feel marginally happy, until she sees Lyell and his perfect family and she remembers what she could have had.

Lyell. It's all she ever wanted, to be with him. But now someone else is saying his name in their sleep, and swaying at the sound of his music. Someone else is loving him, and is loved in return. And she envies them for it.

oOoOo

She pities him.

She pities him whenever she sees him in the corridors of Bloor's Academy, lost, hypnotised, broken. She pities what his life has become, a mere shadow, countless hours trapped in the Music Tower, endlessly playing, trying to remember what was lost. A far cry from the laughing, happy pianist she knew all those years ago. She knows he deserves it, but still feels hollow when he looks at her with those blank eyes and asks who she is, and have they ever met.

She pities him when she sees his son, Charlie Bone, in the school yard, and at the same time laughs at the cunning and cruelty of bringing that boy to Bloor's, of father and son being so close but never knowing each other. She pities them both, for the years they lost and never will have. She even pities his poor silly wife, Amy Jones, still mourning him after all these years, believing him dead when he is in fact alive.

A part of her wishes for the real him back, for the hypnosis to break and for him to recognise her, so she can tell him she still loves him and will always love him. But then he would go back to his adoring wife and son, who he clearly loved before, leaving her alone again. Now, though the best part of him is gone, they are together, in the same building, and she savours it.

But it is a half-life for him, and she pities him as much as she feels a cold sense of justice, at vengeance finally being served in the most satisfying way possible. Lyell Bone is lost forever, a broken man. And she pities him for it.

oOoOo

She misses him.

She misses him every day of her life. It's an ache in her heart, a hole that can never be filled. She looks into his unknowing eyes and misses who he used to be, while at the same time rejoicing in his misfortune. She misses the joyful music he always played which has now turned sorrowful and confused. She misses the smile that used to always be in his eyes, now replaced by dazed forgetfulness. He was once whole, alive, _hers_, and now he never will be.

He will always belong partly to that other woman, the unendowed woman, Amy. Even in the trance, he still reaches out to Amy, tries to remember her and her love for him. And her heart burns in fury to know that. He should have been _hers. _

Hers, and no one else's.

oOoOo

Sometimes she wonders if they ever had a chance.

She likes to think they did.

That they still do.

And when she sees that he's close to waking up, she can't bear it, because then he'll be gone. So she finds the mirror, summons her famous ancestor, Count Harken, and strives to do all that she can to keep him as he is. She knows that's selfish, but she doesn't care. Maybe, just maybe, she thinks, they have another chance at love, while he's like this and has no memories of his old life. And she tries, tries so hard, but it is not enough. He wakes up, and returns to his wife and child, never once giving her a second thought. It both shatters her and hardens her to see it.

Throughout it all, she knows what she is, what she has been ever since that fateful day when he rejected her. She clings to it like a shield, encasing her heart in stone. She knows what she is, what she will always be.

She's a woman scorned.

And she still loves him.


End file.
